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Pizza Philosophy

July 25, 2007


I will begin at the beginning, and ask what the accusation is which has given rise to this slander of me, and which has encouraged my class and teachers to proceed against me. What do the slanderers say?

It was said that nobody wants JUST cheese pizza!  It was said that it was not fair to order a whole cheese pizza for one when the masses .. the masses they cry, they cry for something else.  It was said that if ever there was an agreement amongst the masses that it was No Cheese Pizza.

But, yes, I do swear before you that I was relentless in my pursuit for the cheese pizza and I presented my case before my teacher, my judge and before my classmates, my peers.  In most cases my judge was merciful and overruled the ruling of my classmates of No Cheese Pizza.

How?  How you ask?  How did this little freckled elementary school aged girl win her disputes of numerous lunch hours? … She new her rights but more importantly she knew her laws of pizza!

You see, there are basic laws to pizza and those are that pizza, in and of itself, consists of three major components.  Those components being: the crust, the sauce, the cheese.  These three components are the basics, the necessity to every American pizza loving child.

While pizza could be embelished with other components such as meat, vegetables and other cheeses, such additions do change the charecteristic and one could no longer say “pizza” but one must say sausage pizza, pepperoni pizza, vegetable pizza, so on and so forth. 

Considering this evidence, when a teacher, said judge declares a “pizza day” one is inclined to believe that one has a right to enjoy exactly that: pizza plain and simple.  Provided that one may enjoy a plain and simple pizza, it is then logical of one to assume that one should not brown bag a lunch as a lunch is being provided.

We then also must take into account diversity.  We must take into account that the masses do actually consist of varying degrees of taste, smell, allergies and of course the occasionally annoying minority religious group that can not eat pig products or other groups which can not eat any meat products at all, vegans for example.

However, the best evidence that I can provide of the slander of the classmates plotting against me will come after the fact.  This evidence will be presented once the judge finally orders “the cheese pizza” it is then that the one that can only eat the cheese pizza will finally make it up the line to the apparatus supporting the empty cheese pizza box while still three quarters of the cheese and pepperoni pizza sit mockingly inside the pizza box on top of the supporting apparatus.

So how?  How I ask you, presenting to you this empty box of cheese pizza and this half eaten pepperoni pizza, how is it that no one wants cheese pizza?  Further evidence rolling down my cheeks .. which is not from the thrill of victory .. and rumbling noises comming from my tummy .. I now have to ask of the masses how they could not save me a piece.  Sniffle sniffle.

Seconds anyone?

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 27, 2007 7:24 am

    Pizza as a meaty metaphor; Pizza as a slithery simile. We want what we want but if the other is offered, we’ll have that as well and hunger take the hindmost. Is it any wonder there are wars when a mere cheese pizza can cause such angst. Perhaps Dictator President Bush would have been a better person had he been allowed to have cheese pizza when he was growing up.

  2. July 27, 2007 5:21 pm

    As sad as my childhood pizza memories are .. it’s really minor compared to some of the other incidents that I’ve experienced in regards to being Muslim.

    But whenever I am in a group situation with cousins and my siblings and we order a pizza .. we all have the same basic memories and we do find ourselves laughing about it .. and of course it’s always brought up because one of us is mockingly insisting on a pepperoni pizza.

    You do bring up a good point about Bush and I have to say that I am extremely grateful that he wasn’t my teacher or classmate as he could have been shoving pepperoni pizza down my throat… hehe

  3. July 28, 2007 1:39 pm

    We do have to be careful about the unthinking slights we receive. The ones which are not aimed at our difference (For I am different in that I am Australian and I live in the Southern Hemisphere) but are simply thoughtlessness or ignorance. In my case, I have to choose which words to use because Australian English is not American English. I have been taken to task for using the “U” in words like humour and for using words which mean different things. I once built a webpage to celebrate mid-summer in Australia. I was taken heavily rounded on because it was “Mid-Winter”!

    When it comes to religion, while often we, as Christians, realise there are differences in belief, we often don’t recognise the importance of dietary rules in both Islam and Judaism. (Within Christianity it was only the Catholics who had a dietary rule and that related to eating meat on a Friday) And even if we recognise the importance, we often have no idea of those rules.

    So please be gentle with us. As I try to be with Americans. Unless your tummy rumbles too much 🙂

  4. July 30, 2007 5:18 pm


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