You Know You’re Bosnian When

(you’ve stolen this from somewhere else and written a note that you’re going to steel it) 

your family owns a manual coffee grinder

you take your shoes off when you enter the house, and every family member has his/her own slippers (plus some extra for the guests)

your neighbour comes over every day uninvited, for coffee

your father wears striped pajamas

you start your day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette

you have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name

your mother/nena won’t accept the fact that you’re not hungry

you have “pita” (Bosnian food that is like a pastry puff filled with salty fillings like cheese or meat) for dinner at least 4 days a week

you have “sarma” (stuffed cabbage) for dinner the remaining 3 days

a loaf of bread is eaten for lunch every day

you’re 6 and your father sends you out to buy him “Drina” and “Sarajevsko”(brand of cigarettes)

you don’t speak to your cousins who support “Zeljo”

your nena insists you eat something with a “kasika” (spoon) at least once a week

you chop up some onions and then decide what to cook for dinner

your mother insists that “promaja” (draft) will kill you

your mother tells you not to sit on the concrete slabs, or your ovaries are going to freeze

your mother tells you to wear “potkosulja” (undershirt), no matter what the temperature outside

your mother tells you not to sit close to the TV, and not to use cell phones, because you’ll get brain tumor

your mother tells you that you’ll get sick from drinking cold water

you tuck in your “potkosulja” (undershirt) into your underwear

your parents wonder why you take showers every day

your parents tell you that they had you, AND your sister/brother when they were your age

a couple of days really means a week or so

your parents have “goblene”(needlepoint) on their walls, and “heklanje”(fine handmade lace) on every piece of their furniture, including the TV

your parents make “zimnica” (canned vegetables) every september

your mother threathens you with “samo cekaj dok ti se babo vrati kuci” (just wait till your dad gets home)

you spend all your family vacations in Neum (only part of Bosnia on the Adriatic)

you drive there in a family “golf” (small as a yugo)

you take a car to go everywhere

you begin most sentences with “jebi ga”, (fuck it) “svega mi” (I swear on everything), or “Tita mi” (I swear on Tito)

your young cousin doesn’t know what “Tita mi” means

you can’t explain what “bolan” means, but you use it all the time – (um yes – I have no idea what it means)

you’re the only one who gets all the Mujo and Suljo jokes

you know the entire script of “Walter brani Sarajevo” by heart

you despise your cousin who’s going out with an “unproforac” (UN worker)

your mother bakes a cake without oil, sugar, eggs, or flour, and she calls it “a war cake”

the time is divided into “before” and “after” the war

your father refers to all politicians with “djubrad” (idiots), “lopovi”(con-artists), and “kriminalci”(criminals)

you have at least one best friend from high school who went to “their side” and you still can’t explain it to yourself

your remaining friends from high school live in Australia, Norway, Germany, and Malaysia

you don’t want to talk about the war to anyone, but that’s the only thing you talk about with other Bosnians

you have at least three passports, and have lived in at least 4 countries in the last 12 years